ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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