He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
