The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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