So drunk its hurt
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
