I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
