so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
