I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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