New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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