Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
