He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
