youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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