will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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