What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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