It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize