My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
