Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
