I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
