My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
