i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
