fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
