Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
