Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hippo gnu deer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
