i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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