The best revenge is premature balding
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize