Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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