ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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