so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
