i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
