Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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