he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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