Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
