I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
