$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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