barbara walters just said penis...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
