When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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