I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
