Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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