where am i from again
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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