I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
