my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
