At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
