Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
