Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
