Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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