I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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