1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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