You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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