Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
