There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
