Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
