i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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