somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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