We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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