Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
