And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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