Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
