My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
