he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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