Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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