Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
