i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
