I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
