I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
