jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
