i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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