Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
