i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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