We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
