I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
where does the pee come out of this thing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
