please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
