Dual....:-)
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
