On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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