it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
