So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
