I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
