Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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