I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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