I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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