I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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