I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
