She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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