To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
