I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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